I Want A Trained Drinking Monkey

Oh where oh where can I order one of these?

I don’t care so much about the pickpocket option, but I would be interested in one that doesn’t fling its own poo. Or anyone else’s poo for that matter. No poo flinging in general, just to be clear.

Oh, and non-smoking of course.

Via: Sober in a Nightclub

Betty White Does Portland

Since my visit, I’ve always felt Portland, Oregon was one cool city that would be a great place to live and now think I have a new favorite publication – The Portland Mercury.

The Mercury held a poll allowing readers to pick the cover art for an edition.

What did the citizens of the fair city of Portland come up with to grace their Mercury?

How about Betty White in a metal bikini wielding a flaming chainsaw while riding on the back of a centaur with John Ritter at its head.

Here’s the rendition of that as compiled by artist Andrew Zubko.

I know you are as impressed as I am.

I heart this greatly!

The Scent of Mullet

Mmmmmmmmm mullets.

Business in the front and party in the back.

Who knew you could buy an air freshener that captured the essence that is the 80s hairstyle?

Apparently you can.

My guess is it smells a whole lot like Aqua Net.

And what does Bambi have to do with this hair-smelling piece of cardboard?

Via Fail Blog.

For more mullet links, it’s Squirrel Mullet Mania.

Zombie Haiku

For all my poetry-loving, zombie-killing pals, have I got something for you.

It’s “Zombie Haiku” by Ryan Mecum.

The Web site for the book includes a list of zombie haiku by celebrities including other horror writers, comedians and poet laureates.

Here’s an example of one of the celebrity submissions.

“Back to the buffet
for second helpings-
Care for a rump of infant?”
– Billy Collins, former U.S. Poet Laureate and author of the lovely Ballistics: Poems

There are also haiku written in the style of famous poets past.

“Zombie Haiku by Robert Frost
Two lobes in the skull.
I eat the bloodier one –
not much difference.”

It looks like a bloody, brainy fun read.

Lots of people give poetry books for Valentine’s Day. Don’t you think Newscoma would appreciate such a gift?

Christmas on Acid – The Vestibules

More Christmas merriment to further tweak your need for alternative carols.

It’s by The Vestibules’ Christmas on Acid with visuals from most of your favorite holiday cartoons. Ahhh, nostalgia.

HT Raincoaster

William Shatner’s and Stewie’s Rendition of Elton’s Rocket Man

Oh, William Shatner, how I heart you and your vocal stylings.

I found Shatner’s rendition of the Elton John tune “Rocket Man” and I can’t get enough of this. It was part of the televised 1978 Science Fiction Film Awards.

As if his singular version isn’t trippy enough, through the “magic of television” they bring in a couple of other versions of Shatner for a trio finale.

I wonder if Travelocity could use any of this footage in their commercials? Nahh.

As a bonus, you get Karen Black introducing Bernie Taupin at the front end of the clip.

Of course, Family Guy lets Stewie do his dream version of Shatner, but I’ll stick with the truly original Captain Kirk puffing, sweating and offering dramatic pauses as he wends his way through Elton’s tune.

Of course, I’ve previously documented here at the Queen’s abode some appreciation of Captain Kirk’s appeal to alien babes and the Star Trek theme song.

Jack Black’s Jig on Yo Gabba Gabba!

I understand the big, new kiddy television trend is Yo Gabba Gabba! on Nick Jr.

Bright colors, weird costumes, music – why wouldn’t a toddler go nuts for this stuff?

What I like is the fact that some of Hollywood’s quirkiest are stopping in for guest appearances. (Amy Sedaris as the Tooth Fairy, The Office’s Angela Kinsey, Biz Markey, The Shins, Elijah Woods, etc.).

Here’s my favorite visitor to the set of Yo Gabba Gabba! – Jack Black. What’s not to love when a gamboling, jigging, giant Orange Dreamsicle of a man frolics in an uninhibited manner about the stage?

Hat tip to The Bloggess for the video.

Now, let me say, not having a rugrat youngster in the house, I haven’t tuned into the show. Matter of fact, I was pretty much unaware of it until I ran across the Jack Black appearance.

Then I was struck by a visual image I couldn’t ignore. On that side note, is it just my perverted brain that thinks the character Muno looks like something purchased in an adult bookstore?

Think about it – one “eye”, red, covered in pleasure-inducing nubs.

I’m not the only one apparently.

The San Fransisco Examiner’s baby blog The Poop pointed out the sex toy relation.

As did Glamour Magazine’s Daily Single Mom blog Storked.