Tag Archives: weird crime

Assault With a Stinky Fart

So a man arrested for DUI had charges stacked on his crap rap sheet when he farted on the officers fingerprinting him in Kanawha County, West Virginia.

For his drunken gaseous effort, the officers added battery on a police officer and obstruction to his chargers.

I’m thinking there was definitely nothing obstructed here and that’s the whole problem.

The actual criminal complaint can be read here.

WSAZ in Charleston, WV has a funny video clip that I couldn’t get to load and some of the details.

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God Arrested For Selling Cocaine

It seems police in Tampa recently threw God into the slammer for selling cocaine.

Apparently the dealer named God Lucky Howard isn’t omnipotent enough to overrule the Florida legislation on dealing drugs near a church or school.

He was being held on a bond of $86,500.

I’m not sure how that breaks down as far as tithing.

Here’s the full story.

Is It Illegal To Cut Grass? – Drunk Steven on a Lawnmower

Drunken man on a lawnmower, it sounds like a show on the Speed Network, but it’s in fact a hilarious video of scofflaw Steven cruising the neighborhood with beer in hand and a bladder full of urine.

Enjoy!

If you liked that one, check out this drunken soccer referee or the drunken Darth Vader.

Assault with a Frozen Chicken

Here at the Squirrel Queen’s palace, we celebrated Snake Week back in the spring of 2008 when a confluence of reptile stories caught my eye.

Now, it appears 2008 will be the Summer of the Bird. We’ve had chicken bombs, Smoke Monster starlings and territorial blackbirds flying to the forefront.

Now the feathered fever is involving humans.

It seems a man in Detroit attacked his neighbor with frozen chicken parts. The wallop from the 10-pound bag resulted in stitches for the woman. The clucker attack came after the same man stabbed his mother in the neck with a fork. The assaults were the results of his requests for cash being denied.

I’m guessing a man comporting himself in such a manner didn’t say “please” when he requested their money.

Arrests were made and the man is now cooped up.

Hookers and Skull Bongs – What’s Up With Texas Teens?

Texas teens have gone loco lately. A couple of recent stories involving their misdeeds has the Squirrel Queen scratching her head.

They involve grave robbing, pot smoking, skulls, hookers, Fritos, stolen credit cards and a future career in politics. Wait, maybe it all does add up.

First, the morbid thugs.

Teens in Houston, after getting picked up for a car burglary, went on to confess to a crime so strange even the cops didn’t believe it initially.  The thugs admitted to digging up the corpse of an 11-year-old boy who died in 1921. They took the skull from the body and used it as a bong for their pot-smoking habits.

Then there’s the 13-year-old kid who ordered an extra credit card on his dad’s account. Then proceeds to use the plastic on a $30,000 spending splurge for him and his friends. They bought electronic gadgets and set up shop in a motel room. The kids had plenty of stuff delivered to the room. Snacks like Dr. Pepper, Fritos and Oreos to satisfy their food cravings. They kids also ordered a couple of hookers. Instead of intimate encounters with the rent-a-ladies, the teens just wanted someone to watch them play their video games. I especially enjoyed the part of the story where they claimed they worked for a traveling circus and the hookers had to agree to spend time with them or it would be a violation of some American Disabilities Act sort of legislation. The ringleader of this “marauding” crowd has announced he wants to be a politician when he grows up.

That’s politics in Texas I guess.