Category Archives: monkeys

I Want A Trained Drinking Monkey

Oh where oh where can I order one of these?

I don’t care so much about the pickpocket option, but I would be interested in one that doesn’t fling its own poo. Or anyone else’s poo for that matter. No poo flinging in general, just to be clear.

Oh, and non-smoking of course.

Via: Sober in a Nightclub

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Japanese Waistlines Must Shrink

I have gained way too much weight over the last five years or so.

It bugs me, but I haven’t committed wholeheartedly to change that just yet.

I really should drop at least some of that tonnage for so many reasons, but my lack of willpower troubles me. And I love food, most of the bad variety, and beer.

However, if I lived in Japan, that choice to lose those pesky pounds wouldn’t be up to me.

The Japanese government is mandating waistline restrictions on its populace.

Seriously. Government regulations on waistline sizes. Too many inches leads to trouble.

Maybe it was the obese monkeys that started this whole thing.

Obese Monkeys Put On Diets

When I first glanced at the pic above, I thought it was Jabba the Hut from the Star Wars movies about to leer at Princess Leia.

But NOOO.

It’s an obese monkey in a park in Japan.

The zoo keepers are putting the not so cheeky but definitely jowly primates on a diet.

It seems well-meaning visitors to the park often chuck sweets and treats over the fence into the monkeys’ area. The largest of the least likely to be swinging from a tree primates is currently at more than twice the average body weight for the species (29kg instead of 11 kg).

Maybe these monkeys were the inspiration for one of my favorite flavors of Ben & Jerry’s delightful creations.

Is it an orangutan? Is it a Sasquatch?

squirrel donut bigfoot orangutan

Floridians have been busy spotting large orange animals in the trees in their local neighborhood. Some saw baby Bigfoot. Others saw Clint Eastwood’s furry pal from 1978.

Area wildlife agents are now claiming the treetop critter is one of my legion.

Might be. The agent used donuts as a lure.

I know the Squirrel Queen can’t resist the allures of a little fried dough with a sweet and sticky glaze.

Mano-a-mano with a monkey


You know, it’s not just any day you have a monkey make an appearance in your working environment. And, no, I’m not referring to some human jerk who upsets the entire staff. I’m talking about an actual swing-from-its-tail, chattering monkey.
We had a woman bring a Capuchin Monkey into our office yesterday.
A diaper-wearing, sucker-licking monkey.
No, the circus wasn’t traveling through town. No, not a man in a gorilla suit bringing a singing telegram. No, the zoo didn’t have an escaped primate. Heck, our town doesn’t even have a zoo, not even a peetting zoo for that matter, or a singing telegram service.

This woman with the monkey, from what I understand, is sort of a temporary foster care mother for this little 10-month-old Capuchin. It’s not the first one she has taken into her home.

Talk about making whatever limited productivity was occurring in our office grind to a halt. Bring a cute monkey, even without roller skates or a cowboy hat and chaps, into a workplace and everyone takes a timeout from their desk.

As best I can recall in my foggy, hazy, lurid past, this is the first time I’ve ever touched a monkey. (Attention all of you with a penchant for double entendres, please keep your mind out of the gutter at this point.) I’m pretty sure, I would have recalled such a human-to-primate encounter. And dang it, not one person got a picture of me going mano-a-mano with the monkey, so you’ll just have to take my word on it.