The FUTURE

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Leo — Saturday, bluff the guff. No one else knows you’re all fluff. Work ahead on Monday to avoid an avalanche on Tuesday. You’ll be as unpopular as Barry Bonds at an Aaron family reunion on Wednesday.
Virgo — Switch paths on Saturday; blaze a new trail. Heed all warnings on Monday. For luck on Wednesday, scribble all missives while holding the pen between your toes.
Libra — On Friday, fork over the dough; don’t be cheapskating on thin ice. Reveal your true self and earn extra point on Sunday; don’t hide behind a mask. Scour the Internet to find the facts you need; Google is your friend on Tuesday.
Scorpio — An urgent message must get through on Saturday; repeatedly rap the redial button. Begin a dilly of a diet on Monday; dine on gherkins at each meal. Don’t judge a book by its cover on Wednesday; at least check the table of contents.
Sagittarius — Forge ahead on Friday; four score and seven friends are backing you. A fire burns in the furnace of a lover on Sunday; a romance heats up. A neighbor’s noisy fleabag has you howling at the moon on Tuesday night.
Capricorn — For luck on Saturday, keep the entire contents of a can of Cheez-Whiz in your front left pocket. Think thrifty on Monday; expenses are mounting. Nerves of steel will be required to deal with a super problem on Wednesday.
Aquarius — Don’t slow down until after the hoe down on Saturday. Squelch the noise and listen for the true tones on Monday. Lower your shield a bit on Wednesday so Cupid’s arrow can hit its target.
Pisces — Shine your light into the dark corners on Friday; illuminate and then ruminate. Divining from the entrails of a slug, signs indicate success is on the way on Monday. Pep it up or you’ll sink into a lagoon of largesse on Wednesday.
Aries — For luck on Saturday, dangle a limp linguine noodle from your right earlobe. Good news arrives from an unlikely source on Tuesday. Don’t let the heat hamper and put a damper on your day; hydrate heavily on Wednesday.
Taurus — For luck, avoid avocados on Friday; just say no to guacamole. Let someone know how much you care on Sunday; reveal the inner workings of the Bull. On Tuesday, abate using your current bait and laden your hook with something more alluring.
Gemini — The Twins are verging on something great on Saturday; surge onward. Spend time under the stars Monday night. Break out your protractor and check all the angles on Wednesday.
Cancer — Your lucky number on Friday is equal to the number of back-to-school ads you spy divided by the number of sheets of paper a three-ring binder can hold. Take out the trash in your life on Sunday; make a clean sweep. Whistling while you work will annoy those around you on Tuesday; try humming instead.

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7 responses to “The FUTURE

  1. Awww, boo. I don’t want to be as unpopular as Barry Bonds!

  2. And that’s on my birthday!

  3. Early Happy Birthday to you!!!

  4. Question!

    I tried to dangle a limp linguine noodle from my right earlobe, but it keeps falling off.
    Any suggestions?

  5. Answer, use a little bit of a thick Luigini sauce. And hold it down for a few minutes.

    That works for me every time.

  6. To the Kid:
    Cheese usually acts as a binding agent.

  7. Pingback: Psychozilla Tribune › Swami Serena Sees The Future 8.1.07

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